“If you had been here when it happened, you would feel differently.”

Right after the attack, I anguished over the question: to return to New York City or to stay in Rome. But, the attack happened just days after I'd arrived in Italy, and I resisted that urge. It was a hard decision, especially to make while I was grieving. I felt guilty for going on with my life, for having a good time.

I have returned, and I am somewhat baffled by what I see around me. There are those who are averse to talking about America's post-attack reaction. Is it reluctance, patriotism or just plain fear? Is it right? Though I do not understand it, I can see that it is real and sincere.

There are the flags. I understand the meaning of the U.S. flag. When I was a Girl Scout, I remember folding it up so delicately. I know that you do not leave a flag out overnight, that you do not leave it in inclement weather, that you handle it with respect and honor. Now, I shake my head at the sight of so many ill-treated flags, flapping from car antennas, twisted and hanging on homes, tattered and filthy.

It is clear to me now and I will admit it: if I had been here when the attack happened, I would feel differently.